E-Nuff with the Cra-Z Nicknames

It all seemed to start with Alex Rodriguez getting the nickname “A-Rod” a few years ago. Before we knew it, the same kind of nickname was being used all over the place. The last name Rodriguez particularly found itself treated this way quite often, with Francisco Rodriguez becoming “K-Rod” and Ivan Rodriguez being called “I-Rod.” We have also seen it with Daisuke Matsusaka being called “Dice-K” and, ridiculously, with Victor Martinez being called “V-Mart,” which just makes him sound as if he’s a discount store. Some folks tried this practice with Luis Gonzalez when he was the Diamondbacks, as they attempted to call him “Lu-Go,” though Luis quickly—and thankfully—indicated his preference for “Gonzo.” I think I finally saw the worst of it (so far) the other day when, on CBS Sportsline, which my fantasy baseball league uses, Manny Ramirez was called “Man-Ram.” Besides the name being silly, the sexual connotations make it really awkward and uncomfortable—particularly for Manny, I would think. Let’s hope it doesn’t catch on, but it got me thinking just how far this might go…

• St. Louis Cardinals’ catching prospect Brian Esposito might not want to make it big, for fear of becoming “B-Es.”

• The same goes for Houston Astros’ pitching prospect Jack Cassell, who could become affectionately known as “Jack-Cass”

• Kansas City Royals’ outfielder Mark Teahan has put up pretty good numbers for a couple of years, but if he becomes too good, he might be faced with being known as “M-Tea.”

• Pat Neshek has also already begun to establish his career, with some nice numbers in 2006 and 2007 as a reliever for the Minnesota Twins, but he might want to watch it or he could become “P-Nes.”

• A very similar nickname could come out of the slightly moderated practice of using the end of the last name instead of the beginning, as Pedro Martinez might become “P-nez” (though I suppose that’s only slightly worse than the “P-Mart” possibility, which I have seen used and which sounds like a place to buy urine samples).

• Along those same lines, perennial all-star Albert Pujols might suffer the most humiliation, becoming known as “A-jols.”

Let’s hope, though, that Kevin Youkilis doesn’t have a relative named Frank who is good enough to make the majors. As preposterous as the other possibilities might be, I could really see “F-You” become a reality, especially on posters in opposing ballparks.